Well, the cast of the next season of Dancing with the Stars was announced this morning. And it is kind of super lame. I mean, obviously, Nastia Liukin will be in the final. And possibly Michael Sam. And whichever person is a Disney star I’ve never heard of but is a trained dancer in real life. The one-armed Iraq War veteran will add some needed feel-good to the season, no doubt. But, like, isn’t there a beloved 80s or 90s TV show sidekick they could recruit? Tell me DAVE COULIER has something better going on and said NO to DWTS?? Rumer Willis is so weak, I can’t even–although she is paired with Val so the dances will probably be borderline dirty and gross. When is Emma Slater going to get a partner who will be capable of dancing? That dude from that one hit wonder band with the song from like two summers ago probably won’t even try. And of course, Suzanne Somers is paired with Toni. Don’t get me started on Derek Hough returning even though we were promised a season without his heavy on the arms choreography–and naturally he is paired with the former Olympic gymnast. The full list is below and you can watch the announcement here.
Noah Galloway with Sharna Burgess
Robert Herjavec with Kym Johnson
Patti LaBelle with Artem Chigvintsev
Nastia Liukin with Derek Hough
Riker Lynch with Allison Holker
Charlotte McKinney with Keo Motsepe
RedFoo with Emma Slater
Michael Sam with Peta Murgatroyd
Willow Shields with Mark Ballas
Suzanne Somers with Tony Dovolani
Rumer Willis with Valentin Chmerkovskiy
Hello? I Forgot My Mantra. 